accomplished twins. life is a go
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
