I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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