dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
