I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
