I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
