I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
