david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
