alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
