There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
