Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
