I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and she was petting her beer can
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
