Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
