My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
