Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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