Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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