Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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