is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
