my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
