I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
