I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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