Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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