just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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