I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
