hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
