i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
