she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
