I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
