I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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