Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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