Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
