Well apparently he's into motor boating.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
