I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
