If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is Oprah even human
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
