How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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