Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
