You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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