thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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