is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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