I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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