dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
