Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
