Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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