its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
