I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's Friday. Sex?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize