12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
