tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
