Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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