all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
