Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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