I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
