this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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