Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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