Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
