The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
