how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
