Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
