They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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