Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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