i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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