it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
