I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
