I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
