Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
