You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
