do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
