Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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